This entry is a response to my wife’s blog, who will from now on be referred to as “My Queen”. I just felt that as dating is something that every man who is called to be married will undergo (See 1 Corinthians 7, as reference), I should write an entry from a man’s perspective as well.
But before I begin, let me say this. There is no cookie cutter guide to dating or getting married. Your love story could be different from your friends. So don’t be pressured kung super lupet ng story ng iba, remember, God is writing your own super lupet love story.
TO DATE, OR NOT TO DATE: THAT IS THE QUESTION
But before I answer THE QUESTION, let me share my childhood dream love-and-life story. *cue in romantic music or maybe not*
As long as I can remember, my plan in life was to work, save up, get married at 30, earn more, have kids, earn more, have grandkids, earn more, live long, and then die old. What a romantic love story and well-lived life right? To tell you honestly, dating was not really something I thought about when I was 9 yrs old. I just thought it happened, so that was the story of my early dating life, it just happened.
All that changed when I grew older and I hope wiser. I realized that who I date is important. It will be crucial to the stories that I would tell my child/ren and/or grandkids. Not in a bragging kind of way, but more of in the “How I Met Your Mother” kind of way. So, I put a lot of thought about dating and marriage, and put a premium on being serious about it (after some unwise judgements). Because as I discerned and learned the hard way, the impact of my choices (including who I date) will echo into eternity.
So to get the ball rolling, here are 7 QUESTIONS that I answered that have led me to my own love story.
What is dating?
I have heard of people caught up in terminologies, let’s not complicate things. Wag na natin guluhin. Madali lang naman meaning ng dating. It means courtship, you go out together, you go on dates, fin.
Here’s a dictionary meaning for reference. Dating (verb): go out with, take out, go around with, see, go steady with; to woo, to court.
Why do people date?
People date because they like going out with each other, and because they want to scrutinize their dates that they are considering as their potential partners. I have been on dates that I felt like I was the only one who wanted to be in it. Haha! Yup! Hindi ka nag-iisa bes.
Why should people date?
To be honest, I felt I was ready to get married when I was 22. Well, feeling ko ako lang yun because looking back, God was dealing a lot of things in me back then and He led me to meet My Queen years later.
With that said, people should date with marriage in mind. Wow! That escalated quickly! Well… No it didn’t. I mean, guys, the real goal of dating is to find out if you want to marry that person and you want to spend the rest of your life with her. The goal is not to find out if you are ready to get married and spend the rest of your life being married and staying loyal to one person.
Is it normal not to marry the person you are dating?
Ok, I admit, I had a lot of crushes, maybe even had a date or two with them. But if I would be honest with myself, I knew that it would not have worked with those women I dated, that God was writing their own love story, just not with me. It’s better to be single than to be married to the wrong person.
So to answer the question, I’d say it’s ok not to marry the person you are dating, but it shouldn’t be the norm. That’s why you need to pray, ask for advice from your closest friends, basically, get some intel first. You don’t want to be the guy who has the reputation of trying to date everyone he has a crush on.
Why should I start dating?
God said, it is not good for man to be alone.
Genesis 2:18 CEV
The Lord God said, “It isn’t good for the man to live alone.
I need to make a suitable partner for him.”
God said, a man’s greatest treasure is his wife.
Proverbs 18:22 CEV
A man’s greatest treasure is his wife—she is a gift from the Lord.
These are words that resonated with me. And I knew that dating and marriage is for me. But then again, I know that marriage is not for everyone. Marriage is a calling as much as it is a calling not to marry.
Am I ready to start dating?
This is hard to answer outright. But I believe that you will just know it. God confirms it, your friends confirm it, and your parents confirm it. Haha!
There were times that I felt that I was ready to start dating, but I learned that I had much to learn. 🙂 So be discerning, be open to advice. Seek guidance, from God and from Godly men that will be able to help you.
How do I start dating?
Ask the person you like if you could hangout, have coffee, get lunch, or maybe have dinner together. If she asks, “like a date?” Then, say “Yes.” Wala ng paliguy-ligoy guys.
Remember: Clarity is your friend.
That’s what I did. made it as clear as possible to My Queen. I can’t say I was clear with everyone else I dated before her, but I think I was learning to be clearer up to dating My Queen.
NOW, TO DATE OR NOT TO DATE?
Are you ready? I guess, that is the question. If you are thinking if you are ready or not, that is a good place to start. Knowing that it’s a decision not to take lightly is wise (not to mention will save you time, money and other resources). So what to do? Pray. Ask God for wisdom. Ask Godly people for wisdom. Then, ask God for courage. Because nothing ever worth pursuing is easy. Dating and marriage is for the brave, for the valiant, for the one ready to find out God’s best plan for him. There might be pain, there might be rejection, there might be Jollibee hugots that come out of it, but it is worth it.
My dating life wasn’t perfect. He allowed me to make mistakes, but yet He gave me His best for me. And now, I’m still dating, dating my wife of more than 5 years, still trying to figure each other out, and having fun doing it.
My thoughts and ramblings,